fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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