didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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