your parents love me but you hate me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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