I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
