i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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