I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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