How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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