After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
