It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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