Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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