she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
