make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
