He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
