I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
