So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
