i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
