cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
