I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
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No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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