Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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