i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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