If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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