I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
