Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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