just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
