Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
