He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
