If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
