So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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