she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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