We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
