i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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