2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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