You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
