I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize