it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
