I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
