You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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