maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
