I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
