Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
