Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
