i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
