I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
