Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
