i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
