I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i dont even know how to be here
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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