I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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