So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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