You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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