glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
