I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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