xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
