I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
