so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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