I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
