the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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