this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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