I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
