There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There are leaves in my underwear?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
