Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
