i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
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I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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