Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
