i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
