my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
