you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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