Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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